15

I was mortified the first time my students had the nerve to tell me that I look like a teenager. It wasn't so much that they dared speak to their elder with such disrespect, but more that I know I look like I'm 15. Eighteen in make-up and heels.

My youthful looks aren't so blatantly obvious back home in the D.C.-area where there's a lively mix of all ages. It blended in quite nicely in the college setting and didn't stand out much in the newsrooms. But this is Tohatchi and I'm the only Special Educator without a grandchild. I am one of two teachers at the school under the age of 40 and without children. The other is engaged to be married.

So when pressed to pick between the two dominant populations at the school-- students or staff-- it's almost natural for me to gravitate toward the age group less than a decade younger than me. It'd almost be natural, except that I'm the teacher. Technically, I'm in charge...

... which brings me to laugh. Because after more than 9 months of this "being in charge" business, I still feel like a kid. Sometimes as I run a meeting, I pause mentally and realize that I'M running a meeting; that these adults are listening to what I say and doing as I tell them. We must all be crazy.

I admitted this to my colleague, "Mrs. Smith", the other night when we went to dinner at Denny's together in town. She scoffed, saying she would never have imagined that with the way I carry myself and conduct my work. Plus, at 23, she recalled, she was already living on a ranch in Texas with her 4-year-old daughter and husband.

I'm quickly seeing how, like most things, age is relative. My 12-year-old student who returns to school on Mondays with mysterious bruises (that Social Services doesn't do enough about) has an older soul than mine. Perhaps I feel so especially young because compared to the ages and scars around me, I am still a kid. Regardless, Mrs. Smith and I agreed, what's key is that I'm still older and in charge on Monday.

Comments

[CaliforniaTeacherGuy]

I used to live in Bloomfield. I know where you teach. I have friends among the Dine. I know the scars whereof you speak. You are doing a wonderful job with your students--and I so much appreciate your writing of your experiences. Thank you!

[Abi (RGV '02)]

Hey, I came to your blog via a link from edweek. While I think your writing is interesting, your header is misleading. Nobody joins TFA by accident, just like nobody gets into a good law school by accident. After almost a year in the classroom, you know more about education that most people here in DC. Give yourself some credit and own up to being a teacher by choice, even if it is just for two years.

[Lulu]

It's a tremendous culture shock. I grew up on a reservation, put myself through college, and now teach on the east coast. It's incredible that you went all the way to the reservation to find yourself. I had to leave to find myself and better myself. You're in a tough position. Good luck to you.

[Free Tally Software mediafire download]

Awesome, I was actually sent to your article from a friend. He suggested it since we were having a talk about this subject the other night.