How to get un-sick

They promised me that after the first year of teaching, I would be immune to anything. I thought I was ahead of the curve. After getting sick nearly every other week my first semester, I had been ill-less since returning from winter break in January.

So, of course, it only makes sense that I'm now coming down with a flu/cold. My recipe for getting un-sick has been honed over the course of eight months. First, I take an Airborne, an Alka-Seltzer-like tablet chock full of herbs and amino acids. Then I drink water. A few hours later, I take another Airborne. I continue taking Airborne and other vitamins every four to six hours. I close the deal by going to bed early thanks to one NyQuil pill. In the morning, I take another Airborne. I have another Airborne with lunch. Then I go home and leave offerings on my shrine to Airborne. Then I take more.